In the middle of the night representatives from the FBI, CIA, Skull and Bones, the Illuminati, the Boy Scouts, the nuns, the Volturi, the Men in Black, Star Fleet, the Justice League, the American League, the National League, and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen entered LaVar Ball's house, found him eating pork rinds on the couch and said "We need you for a very special mission. Nobody can know. The people aren't ready. We have 2 Hobbits on a mission to Mount Doom and we need you to keep the eye of Trump fixed on you. You can say whatever you want to say. Tweet whatever you will, but keep all his attention fixed on you. You see.....President Trump is possessed of the spirit of Sauron. If the Hobbits don't succeed the age of the Orc shall be upon us."
To which LaVar said "So basically you just want me to sorta be a jerk?"
And they said "Yeah. Be yourself. Can you do that?"
And he said "I'm actually a bigger jerk than Stalin. I was a jerk way before the president and way better than any other jerk. If I wanted my sons to major in jerkdom they'd be jerkier than Jamaican jerk cooking or even Steve Martin in the movie The Jerk. I invented the dance Jerkin. It's like Twerking, but different. I can...."
And then they all said "Thanks." and left.