All ye rise for the Honorable EJA Divorce Court. The case of the Kitchen cozy vs entryway desk is underway.
The Plaintiff representing herself is Mrs. Moranis. Presenting for the defense is Moranis. He has brought Roy Hobbes as his council.
Now I need to get to sleep in about an hour so be seated.
Defendant. Is it true what your wife alleges that you took over a significant section of her kitchen for a period of time so disturbing that your wife was forced to buy an entryway desk?
Is it also true that she discussed said desk with you and you said "Do whatever you want?"
Plaintiff do you realize that your husband has no ability whatsoever to read your mind and never had said ability and never will?
Defendant. Is it true that you had a cozy so hideous that you refuse to even post pics of it in a Celtics sports blog? Is it further true that you refuse to use the drawers of said desk, and actually put said hideous cozy where people can actually see it from the door?
I find you guilty of taking over your wife's kitchen, not listening to your wife's serious concerns, and displaying a hideous cozy in public.
I sentence you to justice. Just as seeing your cozy no doubt had to twist your wife's stomach to pieces now you get to feel that way while watching her date a pro athlete for about a year, possibly Big Baby Davis. After this you will undergo a probationary period during which you will agree to any furniture purchase and use it for the intended purpose. Further your cozy will be executed.
The plaintiff and defendant may agree to an outside settlement involving bartering. If I were you I'd start with chocolate and alcohol. Maybe watch an interior decorating show. Hire a consultant.