Author Topic: Advice for dealing with wife  (Read 4446 times)

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Offline Moranis

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2013, 03:50:44 PM »
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
It seems it's clear what the issue is -- instead of "doing as wife says" (which tends to produce unintended consequences as in your case), better talk to her about finding a solution that will work for both of you.

We have a basket for mail/wallets/other small stuff and a hook for keys -- mostly because I can never remember where I put my stuff. Apparently I'm like small kids and dogs (who allegedly thrive on structure) :)
See I thought that what's we were doing by getting the thing for the entryway and getting the stuff out of the kitchen. A basket would be even worse than the cozy for my wife, way less clean.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #16 on: January 31, 2013, 03:51:02 PM »
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
It seems it's clear what the issue is -- instead of "doing as wife says" (which tends to produce unintended consequences as in your case), better talk to her about finding a solution that will work for both of you.

We have a basket for mail/wallets/other small stuff and a hook for keys -- mostly because I can never remember where I put my stuff. Apparently I'm like small kids and dogs (who allegedly thrive on structure) :)

  I have 2-3 places where I set things down. If something's not in one of the spots I might as well start a grid search because it  could literally be almost anywhere in the house.

Offline JSD

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2013, 03:58:06 PM »
Does Mrs. Moranis know that your reluctance to go along is due in part to fear of reverting back to old habits? Maybe just explain it: "Look, old habits die hard, if I forget to do it once and a while have my back and file my stuff into the drawers. Eventually ill get it". I think it's perfectly fair game to give her some responsibility in matter.

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2013, 03:59:45 PM »
I think we need pictures of this cozy.

My wife did something similar with our entryway, putting a large buffet with draws there.  The drawers get misused, and my stuff still goes on top of it.

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Offline JSD

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2013, 04:02:51 PM »
As far as smoothing the tiff over, a small gift and romantic gesture like a hand written note should do the trick. Then summarize her concerns and offer your solution.

Offline Chris

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #20 on: January 31, 2013, 04:03:43 PM »
I think we need pictures of this cozy.

My wife did something similar with our entryway, putting a large buffet with draws there.  The drawers get misused, and my stuff still goes on top of it.

Yeah, my wife always gets on my for leaving my things around.  On top of the desk, on the coffee table, pretty much on any surface.  She just has accepted that.  But when she asks me to clean it up, (of if I know we are having company), my answer is "ok".  I de-escalate the situation, rather than picking a fight.  And yes, just stating the obvious, can be picking a fight.


Offline Chris

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #21 on: January 31, 2013, 04:04:27 PM »
As far as smoothing the tiff over, a small gift and romantic gesture like a hand written note should do the trick. Then summarize her concerns and offer your solution.

Are you married?  Because that to me sounds like the makings of a much bigger fight. 

edit: I should clarify, I mean the part about summarizing her concerns and offering your solution.  That's just poking the bear.  And if you do that after giving a small gift and romantic gesture, not only does it completely wipe out the romantic gesture, but it turns the romantic gesture into an attack.  In general, a good rule of thumb is, never buy an apologetic present, unless you are ACTUALLY apologizing, not continuing the argument. 
« Last Edit: January 31, 2013, 04:23:06 PM by Chris »

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2013, 04:04:38 PM »
Find objects that "obviously" should go in the drawers.  Now your wallet/keys/phone won't fit.

Maybe you can get one of those charging valets.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #23 on: January 31, 2013, 04:05:33 PM »
I'm having a hard time visualizing the layout.  Any chance of some kind of picture?

Also what kind of stuff do you have?  You mentioned wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc.,  What's the etc.?  How big's the drawer, what could get squished?  (Because if you had your own drawer, what you mentioned doesn't seem like that much stuff to me).

Maybe you can compromise.  Phone in the drawer makes no sense, maybe you can reason that with her.  So how about you just leave the phone out, and work on leaving the keys and wallet in the drawer (doesn't really matter if they get squished or scratched does it?  And I don't know how attached you are to your watch, but maybe try to ditch that (with cell phones, it's really just a bracelet now anyways), or maybe put it somewhere else like in the bedroom?  Or even get some kind of watch case so it won't get scratched in the drawer?  So instead of leaving 4 things out, you're down to 1.  I dunno, but there might be some kind of compromise.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2013, 04:10:41 PM by bdm860 »

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #24 on: January 31, 2013, 04:13:55 PM »
Mrs. Ghost & I go back and forth about stuff like this all the time.  My suggestion: get a decorative bowl set atop the item your wife bought, and put your items in there.  It keeps things loose, but doesn't look like a yard sale.

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Offline Pucaccia

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2013, 04:17:51 PM »
So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #26 on: January 31, 2013, 04:18:35 PM »
Sit her down, give her a piece of chocolate (dames love chocolate), and explain to her slowly and carefully why she's upset and why that is a foolish and irrational way to feel.  If she interrupts or tries to correct you, repeat yourself slower and more loudly. 

When it seems like she's getting it, pat her gently on the head, wink, and say "now don't you feel a little silly?  That could've ruined the game for me."  Give her another piece of chocolate, put your feet up, and knock out a few beers.  Sneak the empties into the desk drawers if you want to share a few laughs together later, but that's optional - you've earned a little "me" time.


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Online Fafnir

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #27 on: January 31, 2013, 04:19:08 PM »
I think we need pictures of this cozy.

My wife did something similar with our entryway, putting a large buffet with draws there.  The drawers get misused, and my stuff still goes on top of it.
This is what has happened in our entryway as well. Charging station has drawers full of junk so my wallet and keys end up on top along with the unopened mail that's not for just me usually.

Offline Moranis

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #28 on: January 31, 2013, 04:19:47 PM »
I'm having a hard time visualizing the layout.  Any chance of some kind of picture?

Also what kind of stuff do you have?  You mentioned wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc.,  What's the etc.?  How big's the drawer, what could get squished?  (Because if you had your own drawer, what you mentioned doesn't seem like that much stuff to me).

Maybe you can compromise.  Phone in the drawer makes no sense, maybe you can reason that with her.  So how about you just leave the phone out, and work on leaving the keys and wallet in the drawer (doesn't really matter if they get squished or scratched does it?  And I don't know how attached you are to your watch, but maybe try to ditch that (with cell phones, it's really just a bracelet now anyways), or maybe put it somewhere else like in the bedroom?  So instead of leaving 4 things out, you're down to 1.  I dunno.
In my pockets or on my person when I am out, I have eye drops, chewing gum, car keys, wallet, and watch, and sometimes change, satellite/mp3 player, headphones, and blue tooth receiver (which I charge).  I put spare eye drops, gum, cough drops, pens, headphones, and things like that in one of the drawers to begin with.  Just the ones I use regularly are on the cozy. 

I am at work, so I can't upload any pictures for you guys.  The cozy is wood and actually matches the color of the dresser thing, so it doesn't look bad in that regard. It has a top portion, three slants for phones with holes for chargers, and a small drawer at the bottom.  It is maybe 5 inches tall, a foot deep, and a foot wide.

Here is the dresser thing http://www.samsclub.com/sams/holden-sideboard/prod7000036.ip?navAction=push
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Offline IndeedProceed

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #29 on: January 31, 2013, 04:20:34 PM »
Moranis, I get in those types of kerfuffles all teh time (and since she (we?) got pregnant, I mean literally all the time. Pregnant women are nuts.). I don't have much advice for you, most times I let her have her way, but sometimes, when something defies logic so profanely that I cannot bear to allow it to pass without mention, we get into it.

Usually she apologizes for making a big deal out of nothing, and I apologize for not just letting it go, which might tell you something about how these things are meant to be.

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