Author Topic: Advice for dealing with wife  (Read 10748 times)

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Advice for dealing with wife
« on: January 31, 2013, 03:33:14 PM »

Offline Moranis

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So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2013, 03:36:25 PM »

Offline Chris

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My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.

Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2013, 03:37:29 PM »

Offline kozlodoev

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Get something that you _would_ actually use to keep stuff out of the way.

Also, what the heck is "a cozy"?
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2013, 03:38:43 PM »

Offline barefacedmonk

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Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2013, 03:39:52 PM »

Offline More Banners

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I guess the first thing is to figure out whether this is really a big deal.

Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Last night, she threatens to go in the basement and rearrange all of my tools.  I suggest she is allergic to tools (hinting that I could use a little help with our home remodel/renovation/updating that is now 3 years and halfway in).

So today, we returned to the stupid spice thing, then I made breakfast.  Then she did some primering in the spare bedroom.

And all is well.

Happens all the time.

Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2013, 03:40:36 PM »

Offline Moranis

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My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.
Yeah, I hear that, but I know I am not going to use the drawers, so even if I use them for a week or two, I will revert back to not using them at some point.  Hence the problem.

And this is about as big a battle as the wife and I have.  We have a near perfect relationship.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2013, 03:40:45 PM »

Offline Yoki_IsTheName

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My advice, run away and never come back. LOL

Seriously, Chris is right. Im not married but my dad told me the same thing. Parents are still happily married for 37 years and counting.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2013, 03:42:46 PM »

Offline Lucky17

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I guess the first thing is to figure out whether this is really a big deal.

Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Last night, she threatens to go in the basement and rearrange all of my tools.  I suggest she is allergic to tools (hinting that I could use a little help with our home remodel/renovation/updating that is now 3 years and halfway in).

So today, we returned to the stupid spice thing, then I made breakfast.  Then she did some primering in the spare bedroom.

And all is well.

Happens all the time.

TP for the chuckle.

Like most have said, pick your battles. Get rid of the cozy (whatever that is), put your stuff either on or in the desk for a while.

If the desk isn't working for you, replace it down the line.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2013, 03:42:55 PM »

Offline BballTim

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So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

  Maybe you could keep your wallet, keys and watch on your dresser and keep some items that you don't use as often in the drawers.

  I don't know how long you've been married or what your wife is like but I think "well I guess you shouldn't have" in any tone of voice is something of a "waving a red cape in front of a bull" situation. Good luck.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2013, 03:48:27 PM by BballTim »

Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2013, 03:44:21 PM »

Offline Chief

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So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2013, 03:44:31 PM »

Offline Moranis

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I guess the first thing is to figure out whether this is really a big deal.

Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Last night, she threatens to go in the basement and rearrange all of my tools.  I suggest she is allergic to tools (hinting that I could use a little help with our home remodel/renovation/updating that is now 3 years and halfway in).

So today, we returned to the stupid spice thing, then I made breakfast.  Then she did some primering in the spare bedroom.

And all is well.

Happens all the time.

TP for the chuckle.

Like most have said, pick your battles. Get rid of the cozy (whatever that is), put your stuff either on or in the desk for a while.

If the desk isn't working for you, replace it down the line.
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2013, 03:45:18 PM »

Offline Chris

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but I know I am not going to use the drawers,

(roleplay as your wife) But why aren't you going to use the drawers?

Hint: there is no good answer to this question, because it is about personal preference.  And personal preference is where dumb arguments come from.  Be the bigger man, use the drawers.

And then if you ever are annoyed with her, you can reserve the right to not use the drawers as a passive aggressive attack. 

The question is not whether you are right, or she is right.  The question is who can make the others life more miserable if they don't get their way.  And if your marriage is like 99% of marriages in the world, the answer is she can make your life much more miserable. 

Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2013, 03:47:23 PM »

Offline fairweatherfan

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Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Aesthetics.  That's the answer to 90% of the organizational/decorating stuff wives do that doesn't make sense to us.

Same deal with Moranis I'm guessing.  She likes the cleaner look of things tucked away in the nice new desk.  He prefers the practicality of having things available and not smushed into a drawer. 

Ultimately it's a small change and probably worth going along with to keep the peace.

Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2013, 03:47:38 PM »

Offline kozlodoev

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On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
It seems it's clear what the issue is -- instead of "doing as wife says" (which tends to produce unintended consequences as in your case), better talk to her about finding a solution that will work for both of you.

We have a basket for mail/wallets/other small stuff and a hook for keys -- mostly because I can never remember where I put my stuff. Apparently I'm like small kids and dogs (who allegedly thrive on structure) :)
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Re: Advice for dealing with wife
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2013, 03:49:06 PM »

Offline Moranis

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but I know I am not going to use the drawers,

(roleplay as your wife) But why aren't you going to use the drawers?

Hint: there is no good answer to this question, because it is about personal preference.  And personal preference is where dumb arguments come from.  Be the bigger man, use the drawers.

And then if you ever are annoyed with her, you can reserve the right to not use the drawers as a passive aggressive attack. 

The question is not whether you are right, or she is right.  The question is who can make the others life more miserable if they don't get their way.  And if your marriage is like 99% of marriages in the world, the answer is she can make your life much more miserable.
very true, but I just won't use the drawers, I know myself. No matter how much effort I put in, I will always go back to not using the drawers. And there are plenty of reasons to not use drawers, as drawers stack things, move things around, etc. which can cause scratches and other damage, which isn't good for phones, watches, etc.  Not to mention, it is a pain to always open and close drawers on things you need. Plus, you can't charge things in drawers as there are no holes to allow you to do it.
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