Also; to anyone that has gone through a separation, did it ultimately lead to a divorce? Does separation always lead to a divorce? If you were able to reconcile after being separated, how did you do it? What did you do?
I understand if you do not want to share something personal like this on a public board; but if you're comfortable with it, please reply here or via PM. Thanks.
EDIT: I did not want to create a separate thread on this topic; so mods, please allow me to post this in the same thread.
My wife and I separated for a while. She actually filed for divorce. But in the end, after I consistently attempted reconciliation and some things changed in our lives(we were caring for my grandmother, who had dementia, for 6 years without much or any other family assistance and she finally passed), we reconciled and have been happily back together for almost 2 years.
Now, we both kind of knew the tension and problems in the marriage were not because we didn't love each other. But we let the pressure and tension of caring for an elderly person with dementia get in the way of our happiness. She thought she stopped loving me but it was just anger.
Therapy, lots of talking and honesty, and a commitment to each other regardless of what life threw at us(careers, children problems, finances, family that put lots of their problems in our laps, etc.) and making sure we had regular sex to show our love physically, made things better. But, we never had any indiscretions or affairs(not saying you did) and I think that made things easier. Also, through 25+ years of being together, we had been through a lot and I think that made our desire to make sure it worked out stronger.
Relationships are not easy. They require a lot of understanding, commitment and sacrifice. It takes a long time to learn how to live the rest of your life with someone without eventually growing to get so familiar with each other that you forget why you decided to spend the rest of your lives together in the first place.
Always try to keep that in mind. Make time for each other. Listen to each other instead of just talking at each other and making sure you are heard. Show each other why you love each other regularly(sex). And be open and honest about EVERYTHING.
That's what worked for us. Will it work for everyone? I doubt it. But I think its good advice.
Best of luck, bfm, and know that if you still love her, its not the end. It didn't mean divorce for me and I am sure I am not the only CBer that had a separation and then reconciled with their loved one with lasting positive results.
Remember though, with therapy, go in with a goal. Is the goal to reconcile? To divorce amicably? Or to find out which path you want to follow? That is very important if you go to therapy. As well as the honesty and talking without blaming and anger. That helps.