What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?

[Redz]

Where did Napoleon hid his armies?

In his sleevies

[FatKidsDad]

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk "Where is the talcum powder?"

The clerk says "Walk this way!"

The customer replies "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder"


A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing eye dog.  He takes the dog by the leash and starts swinging it over his head. 

"What are you doing?!?" asks the bartender.

"Just looking around"

A woman walks into a bar carrying a little dog.  A drunk at the end of the bar looks up and asks "Where'd you get that pig?"

Incensed, she answers "That's not a pig.  Its a dog"

The drunk replies "Shut up.  I'm talking to the dog"

[FatKidsDad]

A gorilla was seen sitting in his cage at the zoo.

In one hand he holds a copy of the Bible.  In the other he has a copy of Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

He was trying to figure out if he was his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

[OriginalODb]

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

a fsssssshhhhh

probably works better in verbal form

A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll take a gin ....... and tonic"
bartender replies "sure but whats with the big pause?"


a pair of jumper cables walk into a bar, the bartender looks at them and says "Alright, I'll serve you as long as you don't start anything"

[Redz]

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil (sorry that's dumb & gross)

[Womialas]

Two fish are in a tank.  One looks to the other and asks, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

[hwangjini_1]

where do you find a dog with no legs?






right where you left it.

[MBz]

I work at a YMCA and one of the little kids told me this one.

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
-You can't tuna(tune a) fish

[Edgar]

How do u get 5 elephants inside a volkswagen beetle

2 in the front 3 in the rear seat




why elephants are big and grey

Because if they were yellow and little they were chicken

[Redz]

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

[ma11l]

A blonde and a brunette jump off of a building.  Which one lands first?

The brunette because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.





Did you hear the one about the deaf guy?....neither did he.

[celticsfan8591]

A blonde walks into a store, points toward the shelf behind the cashier, and asks, "Can I have that TV please?"

The cashier responds, "Sorry, I don't sell to dumb blondes."

The next day, the blonde comes back with a brown wig on her head and asks, "Can I have that TV please?"

Again, the cashier responds, "Sorry, I don't sell to dumb blondes."

The next day, the blonde comes back after having surgery to change her face and dying her hair and asks,"Can I have that TV please?"

Once again, the cashier responds,"Sorry, I don't sell to dumb blondes."

The blonde, furious, asks, "How do you know that I'm blonde?"

The cashier says, "Because that's a microwave."

[jackson_34]

I overheard this one at work the other day, set yourself back to the 60's/70's;

A man walks into a Pub and sits down at the bar. He notices that in the middle of the bar there is a big bowl of dollar coins, so he asks the bartender "what's the deal with the coins?".
The bartender replies, "For a dollar, if you can guess how many coins there are in this bowl they're yours."

So the man, confidently pulls out a dollar coin and says "there are 288 dollar coins in this bowl", he then drops his coin into the bowl; "Now there are 289."

The bartender amazed but dissapointedly replies "That's correct.... I spose the coins are yours." The man is so happy with his achievment, he decides to make a night of it.

Many beers later, the man decides he should leave for home. So he takes the bowl of coins, thanks the barman and is on his way.

Tipsy, the man walks home and arrives at the front porch of his house. As he is making his way up the porch stairs, he trips and the coins go everywhere over the porch. Too tired to pick all these coins up, he decides he'll leave them there and deal with them the next day. He then stumbles into bed and falls asleep.

The next morning, the man's wife runs into the bedroom and shout's to the man, still half asleep "Quickly! there's something on the porch!!"
The Man replies "Yeh, Yeh. I know; 299 dollar coins"
The Wife replies "No, there's about 600 bottles of milk!"
 

[Zoots]

Speaking of poop jokes...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a deuce in the woods.  The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Say, pal, do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?"  The rabbit says, "Why, no, it's never been a big issue."  "That's good to know," says the bear, and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

LOL.  Best one yet.

[Zoots]

Redneck 911 Call 

(Good old rednecks.  The only group you can still joke about and not be regarded as gauche or in poor taste... or worse.  God love 'em for being able to take a joke.  There are pockets of sanity left in the world.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Becky Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.  The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"