Author Topic: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?  (Read 59305 times)

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What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« on: August 13, 2008, 08:57:53 AM »

Offline SShoreFan 2.0

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I love when a thread becomes the Celticblog equivalent to chum in the water.  Its funny (peculiar) on what we threads we gravitate to and what ones die a quick death.  This has the potential for either, so without further adieu, I present to you yet another SSFan thread to help pass the slow summer days.

What is the funniest clean joke you know?

Here's one of my favorites....

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
 
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
 
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.  Soon they are done and ready to open for business, but first they need to test the equipment.  The first guy volunteers and attempts the trial jump. After jumping, he comes bouncing back up and the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, so he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.  This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him.
 
After the third time down, the second guy is able to grab his partner and he's pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. panicked, the second guy finally asks, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
 
The first guy says, "No, no the cord was fine, but what heck is a 'pinata'?"
I love my kids, call me a sap - it's true.

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2008, 09:13:04 AM »

Offline munjman

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Hah thats pretty funny, good one...

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2008, 09:41:48 AM »

Offline kw10

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OK, I've got a bit of a 'cr@ppy' joke, I hope it's funny to you, here it is (hope the language is not considered foul):

So one day, Matt and Tom were walking across a park, and came upon what looked like a pile of sh%t. And so the two stopped before it and Matt says, "Hey, that looks like a pile of sh%t."
Then Tom bends over and smells it, "Smells like sh%t"
Matt then puts a finger into the pile and smudges it between his fingers, "feels like sh%t"
Then Tom did the same and put his finger into his mouth, " Taste like sh%t too."
Matt then replies, "you know what, it is sh%t. Thank God we didn't step on the pile."
Tom, "True that!"
Anything is possible!!!

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2008, 09:44:16 AM »

Offline screwedupmaniac

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i got one! 5 white horses played in the mud!

oh wait...that was a dirty joke...

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2008, 10:07:39 AM »

Offline Redz

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OK, I'm gonna qualify the notion that dirty means "sex related" or "racially motivated".  Ergo, poop jokes are clean...

Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop.  One lifts up his leg and cranks out a gigantic fart.  The other looks at him angrily and says, "HEY!  Do you mind?  I'm trying to eat my lunch here."
Yup

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2008, 10:10:13 AM »

Offline Redz

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What do you with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe. ;D
Yup

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2008, 10:11:05 AM »

Offline CelticsWhat35

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There are these two drunk guys sitting on a bench, and they're watching a dog lick his balls.  One drunk guy goes, "I wish I could do that".  The other says, "I don't know, I think he'd bite ya."


Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2008, 10:11:49 AM »

Offline stoyko

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What's brown and sounds like a bell?



DUNG!


What's brown and sticky?

A Stick!

Sorry i could go all day.
NJ Nyets.
A.Iguodala,Nene,A. Brooks, H. Warrick, ,C.Delfino,MoWilliams,Nick Collison,Reggie Williams, T. Douglas, E. Barron,Q. Ross,James Anderson, Jeff Pendergraph

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2008, 10:13:26 AM »

Offline Evantime34

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Two peanuts walk down a dark alley... one was assaulted.

Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? I'm not going to say the answer if you don't know it pm me.
DKC:  Rockets
CB Draft: Memphis Grizz
Players: Klay Thompson, Jabari Parker, Aaron Gordon
Next 3 picks: 4.14, 4.15, 4.19

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2008, 10:14:07 AM »

Offline Redz

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I wrote this one as a kids story about 20 years ago.  It's based on a favorite joke of mine.  I actually got this thing copyrighted, but I've never done anything with it.  Not sure what it's worthy of, but it's amusing to me anyhow. ...

        The Great Animal Football Game
                       

...and so at last the big day was here,
The jungle’s biggest moment in many a year.
The day had come for The Great Animal Football Game,
And from all over the jungle the kingdom came.

The sides were divided; large versus small.
The mouse grew mighty, the giraffe stood tall.
The crowd was excited as the game drew near,
Cheering so loud, you could hardly hear.

With a bang it all started, a kickoff to remember.
The kangaroo booted the ball clear to December.

But as the day got going, it quickly became clear,
A tiny lizard just can’t tackle a rampaging steer.
The elephant, the hippo, and the rhino were simply too big.
The poor little animals couldn’t even catch the portly pig.

The half-time scoreboard was a sight for sore eyes,
The small jungle animals cursed their small size.
The team had grown weary, they started to pout,
When up from the sidelines came a spirited shout!

“Don’t give up yet, the game’s just half done.
We may be smaller, but let’s give `em a run!”

The little guys cheered, these were great words indeed,
And they all rallied around the perky centipede.
“Now listen here chaps, no more long faces.
Let’s get back out there, now off to the races!”

With a hundred legs speed the centipede took the ball.
The large animals chased him, but he outran them all.
The hyena stopped laughing, the gorilla stood speechless.
The centipede did it all - he had no weakness.

And when it was all over, the rally complete.
All the animals marveled at the centipede’s feat.

Speaking for all, the regal lion ventured to say,
“Centipede I declare you king for the day!
Yup

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2008, 10:31:31 AM »

Offline CelticsWhat35

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Two peanuts walk down a dark alley... one was assaulted.

Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? I'm not going to say the answer if you don't know it pm me.

Because she's dead.

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2008, 10:34:26 AM »

Offline cdif911

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Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? I'm not going to say the answer if you don't know it pm me.

because she was a socialist (little taught fact)
When you love life, life loves you right back


Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2008, 10:37:28 AM »

Offline cdif911

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Two pieces of bacon are sizzling on a frying pan.  One turns to the other and says, "sure is hot in here!" - the other goes, "holy crap, a talking piece of bacon!"
When you love life, life loves you right back


Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2008, 10:39:06 AM »

Offline Redz

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Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? I'm not going to say the answer if you don't know it pm me.

because she was a socialist (little taught fact)

Are we opening the forum to Helen Keller jokes here?  JUst say the word and I've got a few!
Yup

Re: What's the funniest "clean" joke you know?
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2008, 10:41:59 AM »

Offline Redz

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A man walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink.  A horse approaches him from behind the bar and asks him what he'd like to drink.  The man orders a beer, then leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, can you believe the bartender is a horse?"

The guy replies, "Yeh, I still can't believe the cow sold the place."
Yup